Well doesn’t the title really say it all?
I have been planning on writing this post for almost 45 days now, and then came New Year’s with a basket of “Must achieve” resolutions. So I dropped the blog post, grabbed my favorite Moleskin Notebook and started writing down what I wish to do in 2014, stuff I wish to accomplish, places I want to visit, adventures I want to live, people I’m dying to meet. So far, the only resolution I settled for was cutting off soft drinks, I pretty much failed at everything else. But hey! It’s almost the end of February, no rush there, kido?
In a trial to define happiness, I ended up googling for hours and stumbled upon two main advices:
Hit the gym ( no thank you)
Do something that you love.
And then it hit me; What is it that I am doing now? And do I exactly love about it? I couldn’t help but wonder: Is Beirut the right place for me? Well, with savings up to 3000$ in my bank account, loans and university budget, Beirut is surely my ONLY option for now. But is it really about the place? Or more about what we intend to do while living in certain parts of the world?
So I live in a self destructive collapsed city which does nothing but bring me down sometimes, I must admit though, Beirut surprised me as much as it probably have surprised you in the past few years, but that was just not enough to make me happy.
And then it hit me again, why do I keep blaming Beirut? At the end of the day, it’s a city, and like all other cities : it’s not perfect. That was when I decided that it was up to me and only me to indulge changes and new habits in my life; now I am not talking about my 45 must achieve resolutions list, I am arguing realistic goals here, some decisions and few plans and that by the way is not an easy mission.
I still don’t know what happiness is, I still don’t understand how I ended up as a reporter when my goal was to become a writer in the first place (which is why I started this blog a couple of years ago), all I know is that nothing goes to waste, and sometimes we end up falling in love with the weirdest habits, jobs, people, hobbies, and that is for now one to judge but us.
The importance of acknowledging where to go next and what to do is in listening to one’s self, as simple as that. An hour ago, I woke up (literally), yes I slept the weekend away and I am not proud. I walked into to the kitchen, made some tea and came back to my room to surprisingly find a tidy bed. It was a sign, no more sleeping, no more slacking, it’s time to move forward.
Good evening; Beirut.